Robin Hood vs King John
by Megara and Hades
Summary: What if Robin Hood tricked King John into fighting him one on one instead of the King sentencing him to death by decapitation? How would that go?


"And now I deem you," King John raised his sword. "The winner," he tapped the right shoulder of the kneeling crow, then the left.

"Or more appropriately," the King put the edge of his sword underneath the collar of the crow's shirt, tearing it to reveal who was really behind the beak. "The loser!"

The crowd gasped at the sight of Robin Hood on stilts.

Lady Kluck and Lady Marian were astonished.

The lion grinned and waved his hands, "seize him."

The guards grabbed the fox and tied rope tightly around him from shoulders to ankles.

"I sentence you to sudden, instant, and even immediate **death**!" the king hissed.

Lady Marian shook her head in sadness, "Oh no!"

She turned to the King who sat to her left.

She put her hand on his arm.

"Oh, please, _please_ sire," the young fox knelt before him.

"I beg of you to spare his life," tears ran down her face. "Please have mercy!"

"Dear emotional lady," the King chuckled. "Why should I?"

Lady Marian turned her head toward the fox, "Because I love him your highness."

"You love him?" the King questioned. "And does this prisoner return your love?" the King gestured to the fox wrapped in rope.

Lady Marian searched Robin Hood's eyes.

"Marian my darling," the prisoner spoke. "I love you more than life itself."

The Lady grinned, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Young love," the King chuckled. "Your please have not fallen upon a heart of stone."

He stood from his throne and pointed a finger toward the sky.

"Traitors to the crown," he raised his voice. "Must **die**!"

"Traitor to the crown? That crown belongs to King Richard. Long live King Richard!" Robin Hood chanted.

Many people in the crowd joined in, "Long live King Richard!"

"Enough! I am King, King, King, King!" King John jumped up and down like a lion cub.

"Off with his head!" announced the King.

Marian turned to Lady Kluck and buried her face into her feathers.

"At least King Richard was man enough to fight his own battles," Robin Hood murmured as the soldiers dragged him off.

King John stood to his feet, "What did you say?" he asked angrily.

"Oh, you know, I just mean that King Richard was more manly than you. Don't worry about it, not _all_ Kings are tough. Oh wait..."

Lady Marian giggled.

"I **am** manly!" the King yelled.

"If you _really are_ then let's fight, just the two of us."

The King pointed a finger at the fox and opened his mouth to speak.

"Unless you're too scared of course. I bet King Richard would..."

"Enough! I will do it!" the King stood from his throne once again. "But we will use swords. I'm not stupid enough to let you use your little bow and arrow toy."

"Oh, right, that toy that just knocked the other arrows off course and split one in half," the fox teased.

"Release him!" the King swatted at the guards.

The untied him immediately.

"Bring me my sword!" the King demanded.

"Sir, are you sure about this?" whispered the sheriff.

"Do not question your King!" he stretched his arm out, ready to receive his sword.

"Okay..."

The sheriff handed off the sword.

"Whoa!" the sword weighed down the King's arm.

The crowd chuckled.

"Robin Hood! You think you're so tricky; you switched our swords! Didn't think I would notice?" the King inquired of the fox.

"Alright, you caught me," Robin winked at Lady Marian. "Here, we'll switch."

"Wait, no. Why did you wink at her? I'll keep this one."

Robin winked at Marian again.

She put her hand over her mouth giggling.

"Why did you wink again? Why is she laughing?" the King looked around in confusion.

"Have the sword of your choice your majesty," Robin offered.

"I'll take the sheriff's," the King whistled for the sheriff to bring him his sword.

"I know he sharpens it often. Prepare for pain Robin Hood," the King narrowed his eyes at the fox.

"Sire, you don't want to dirty your crown or rings now do you?" asked the fox.

"You're right! I don't want them stained with the blood of a prisoner," the king snickered and had the sheriff lay his crown and jewels on his thrown.

Both the fox and the King stood in the sand, ready to fight.

The fox had the skill but the lion had the anger.

"Why don't we make this fight a little more interesting," Robin spoke. "The winner gets all of your treasures and the loser is the prisoner."

Robin nodded at Little John who was still in costume and was someone the King trusted.

"Then nothing will change," the lion spoke proudly for someone who had never fought in his life.

Little John stashed the King's crown and jewels in his satchel and requested Marian to follow him.

"But what about Robin," she asked anxiously.

"Don't worry about ol' Robin, he gets whatever he wants," Little John grinned at the lady. "He got you didn't he?"

King John noticed Marian no longer was in her seat, "Looks like your lady didn't want to stay for the show. Doesn't have much faith in ya' after all."

"Let's do this," the fox swung his sword, suggesting he was ready for battle.

"Three...two...one...FIGHT!" yelled a soldier.

Both the fox and the lion began to circle.

Fire burned in the lion's eyes.

Slowly and quietly, the town's 'poor' shuffled away.

"Looks like 'your kind' don't want to see you bleeding on the ground," the King teased.

"You can talk smack, but can you deliver it?" inquired the brave fox.

King John charged at Robin Hood, holding his sword above his head.

Robin Hood took one step to his left.

The King couldn't stop running, lost his balance, and fell into a pond.

When he finally stood, he couldn't find his sword.

Robin walked up the the King, carrying his sword over his shoulder.

"Need a sword?" Robin held the point of his sword only inches away from the King's nose.

"Hahaha," the King chuckled. "I will never give you my treasures."

"They are already packed on a truck, ready to go; including your crown and jewels," Robin withdrew his sword and began walking away.

"Seize him!" cried the King.

"Why are you just standing around? I said seize him!" the King yelled.

"You no longer have money to pay us," one soldier told him.

"Yeah, and in fact, you're a prisoner now," spoke another.

Robin waved goodbye.

"Mommy!" the King cried, pulling on his ear with one hand and sucking his thumb on the other.

Robin Hood came to the cart full of the King's treasures and the villagers.

"Oh, Robin!" Lady Marian cried out. "I'm so glad you are okay!"

"Of course my darling," he wrapped his arms around the young fox. "We must be going now."


End file.
